Q: Is the guy in the haikus a real person?
A: No. But there is a real person based on the guy in the haikus.
Q: When did you start doing this?
A: Matthew got laid off in July '08. He was angry. Very angry. So he did what any red-blooded American male would do: he wrote haikus. About looking for work. About having no money. About stealing toilet paper. Todd got on board right away as illustrator. He brought Matthew's sad state of affairs to life in a single panel comic that makes "Dilbert" and "Ziggy" read like success stories. Matthew still hasn't forgiven him for it.
Q: Are you still unemployed?
A: Almost a year after being laid off Matthew did get a full time job. A pretty good job actually, with a desk, a mean boss, and everything. Todd was never unemployed. He signed a lifetime contract with Subway a long time ago. He's the backup in case anything ever happens to Jared.
Q: So, if you're employed why are you still writing unemployment haikus?
A: We're keeping UHW going because people seem to enjoy it. And with unemployment still on the rise, the world needs weekly unemployment haikus more than ever before. (But if we're honest, we want FOX to turn it into the first animated daytime soap opera.)
Q: Is the original artwork for sale?
A: Everything we have is for sale. So yes, you can buy the artwork.
Q: Can I order a haiku specifically for me?
A: Much like a Subway sandwich artist, we have the ability to make haikus to order. To put your friends, your family, your dog, or yourself in a haiku check out the Custom Kus section of our site.
Q: Can we advertise on UHW?
A: For a small fee, your company and your product can indeed be featured on the Internet's most visited weekly unemployment haiku website. Check out our Product Placement section.
Q: What's your submission policy?
A: We don't take submissions. To complainers we respectfully say, "tough titties."
Q: Are you guys available for non-haiku related projects?
A: Yes. But we don't do full frontal. Nor would you want us to.
Q: Can I link to your site?
A: Sure. And we'd be happy to feature your site on ours. Just email us.
Q: In regard to your "store", aren't you just putting stickers on Ramen noodles and marking up the price 3000 percent?
A: Yes.
Q: Actually, it seems that several of your UHW "brand products" are just pre-existing products with stickers on them.
A: That's a statement, not a question.
Q: If I want to write my own haikus, how do I get started?
A: The best way is to take classes at our haiku dojo, Cobra Ku. We have locations nationwide where you will be taught to sweep the leg by ruthless Vietnam War veterans.
Q: Do you bare any ill will toward the people that laid you off?
A: Oh, dear lord, no. On an unrelated note, if anyone would like to purchase a lightly used fax machine and 30 boxes of highlighters, please email us.
Q: I've just been laid off. Do you have any advice for me?
A: The best course of action is to use your newfound spare time to master the arcade game that's outside the office building of your trailer park. When you break the high score, aliens will come and recruit you to be their ace pilot in a war against evil. You will have a great many adventures and live happily ever after.
Q: Wasn't that the plot of "The Last Starfighter"?
A: Never saw it.
Q: How do I hotwire a car?
A: Green to red. Blue to yellow.
Q: What is the best palindrome?
A: Race car. (Obviously.)
Q: I've heard there's a UHW movie in the works. Is this true?
A: Yes. Charlie Kaufman is currently working on the screenplay. So far George Clooney and Megan Fox have signed on. Samuel L. Jackson will be playing the role of "Dutch".
Q: Why are you so obsessed with Megan Fox?
A: Why? Did she ask about us?
