As unemployment grows, so does the demand for weekly unemployment haikus.  If things go according to plan, UHW's lunar offices will be opening in 2013.  And those offices will need staff.  Please submit your application for any of the following lunar positions listed below.

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WRITER:  Filled.

ILLUSTRATOR:  Filled.

CFO

Currently all earnings from UHW go in a jar on top of the refrigerator.  Your job will be to guard this jar, and bring us beers when we shout from the other room.

IT GUY

The internet is a series of tubes.  It will be your job to make sure that those tubes properly connect to our tubes.  Ha.  We just said "our tubes."

PERSONAL ASSISTANT

Must be willing to work shirtless and/or pantless.  Several years of experience being Megan Fox required.

CLEANING LADY

Words cannot describe the hovel that is the UHW headquarters.  For example, just yesterday we found an errant grilled cheese sandwich stuck to the ceiling fan.  We're not sure how it got there, but we know it needs to be dealt with by a professional.

YES MAN

Must enthusiastically support our assertions that pro wrestling is real, football is fake, and republicans smell different.

TALKING ROBOT LIKE IN ROCKY IV

Must be a talking robot.  Like in Rocky IV.

PAID INTERNSHIP

The responsibility of our intern is to pay each of us $1000 a week.  The experience and contacts you will acquire at UHW are invaluable, and can't be measured in dollars.  So this is, by definition, a bargain.  In fact, let's make it $2000 a week.

FILING CABINET

Must be able to hold files safely and securely.  Must also answer phones, make copies, get coffee, and perform other light clerical work.